If you’re anything like me, you probably didn’t grow up thinking the words “spread eagle position” belonged anywhere near words like empowering, sensual, or pleasurable. And honestly? That needs to change. Because this position – which sounds intimidating, restrictive, and maybe even a little acrobatic – is, in reality, one of the most underrated, deeply connecting sex positions I’ve ever explored. And I want you to feel completely confident trying it yourself.
I’ve coached and supported all kinds of bodies through expanding their sexual satisfaction and confidence. And one thing I see over and over? People are craving that vulnerable, soul-deep connection – but they’re scared to be seen. Scared to be exposed. Scared that their body isn’t “made” for positions like this. Here’s the truth: the spread eagle is for every body, especially yours.
So let’s break it all down together. No shame. No performance pressure. Just real, juicy, actionable guidance on how to use the spread eagle position to maximize pleasure, build trust, and feel absolutely amazing – exactly as you are.
What Is the Spread Eagle Position?
Definition and Overview
The spread eagle position is exactly what it sounds like: lying back with your arms and legs extended outward, typically apart. It can be done on a bed, a sex wedge, or even flat on the floor with pillows underneath. One partner lies open, while the other takes a more active role on top, between the legs, or hovering for oral or manual stimulation.
This setup opens the entire body up to stimulation and vulnerability – and that’s where the magic happens. It’s not always about deep penetration (though it can be incredible for that). Sometimes it’s about being held, seen, and adored in a way that bypasses shame completely.
Origins and Symbolism
Historically, the term “spread eagle” has been used in art and military references, symbolizing openness and surrender. In sexual terms, it taps into that same energy – but in an empowering way. You’re not just passive. You’re choosing openness. You’re inviting connection.
And don’t overthink the name. It’s not about being performative. It’s about creating a position that lets you relax into your body… and your pleasure.
Benefits of the Spread Eagle Position
Enhanced Physical Connection
Here’s what I personally love most: uninterrupted, full-contact intimacy. When I’m in this position, especially with pillows under my hips, I can feel every inch of my partner’s body against mine. It’s skin-to-skin, breath-to-breath, and it creates this delicious sense of oneness.
For couples seeking closeness – whether emotional or physical – this position fosters it in a profound way.
Increased Vulnerability and Trust
I know how scary vulnerable can feel. Especially in a world that constantly tells us to hide our “flaws.” But vulnerability isn’t weakness – it’s a freaking superpower. Lying open, looking into your partner’s eyes, opening your chest… it’s incredibly brave.
And guess what? That openness invites deeper trust. If you’re in a safe, affirming relationship, the spread eagle can be a gateway to deeper emotional intimacy too.
Opportunities for Full-Body Stimulation
With your whole body open and accessible, your partner has the perfect canvas to explore. Think:
- Feather-light touches along the thighs and belly
- Stimulating the inner arms and underarms (highly underrated!)
- Using toys like wand massagers along the perineum or vulva (like the Magic Wand or Zumio)
I’ve even had sessions where we focused purely on non-penetrative touch in this position – and wow, the orgasms were full-body shivers. Never underestimate the power of slow touch.
Techniques to Try the Spread Eagle Safely
Proper Positioning and Support
Let’s get practical. If you’re plus-sized like me, or have joint or mobility concerns, you’ll want to protect your hips, knees, and lower back. Start with:
- A sturdy memory foam pillow or sex wedge under your hips
- Add rolled towels under your knees if they don’t comfortably lay flat
- Use a yoga bolster or body pillow to cradle your head and shoulders
Pro tip: You do NOT need to be splayed like a yoga goddess for this to work. The angle doesn’t need to be extreme. Just enough to feel comfortably open.
Modifications for Comfort and Flexibility
If legs-wide isn’t comfy for you, try these tweaks:
- Bend the knees and let feet rest on the bed
- Use stretchy fabric ties around thighs and wrists for gentle restraint without pressure (like liberator cuffs)
- Try the position on a sturdy armchair or chaise lounge for back support
This is YOUR body’s experience. Favor positions that feel relaxing, not punishing.
Communication and Consent
No matter how hot things get – check in. Whether you’re the opener or the initiator, saying “How does this feel?” or “Want to shift anything?” keeps everything deliciously consensual.
I always recommend using a signal system – like squeezing hands for “pause” or “more” – especially during new exploration.
Tips for Maximizing Pleasure and Connection
Pacing and Rhythm
Here’s the deal: the spread eagle is not a jackhammer position. It shines with slow, intentional movement. Try:
- Grinding instead of thrusting
- Layering movement with deep eye contact
- Pausing mid-action just to breathe together
Trust me, there’s nothing more erotic than being present, not rushed.
Incorporating Toys or Restraints
This is a stellar position for hands-free toy play!
- Place a wand between the thighs for clitoral stimulation
- Use a remote-controlled vibe while your partner teases the rest of your body
- Try soft wrist restraints for a sense of surrender without losing comfort
Explore, customize, experiment. You’re the curator of your pleasure.
Creating a Safe and Intimate Environment
Never underestimate setting the mood:
- Dim lighting or candles
- Soft, plush bedding you can sprawl on
- Music that makes you feel sensual
A comfortable, affirming setting helps create the freedom to fully let go. You deserve that luxury.
Common Misconceptions and Realities
Body Type Myths
Listen: the spread eagle is not just for people in magazine ads. I’ve taught folks of every size, shape, and flexibility level how to claim this position for themselves.
Being curvy or plus-sized isn’t a barrier – it’s often a bonus. More surface area means more ways to be touched, loved, and pleasured. Don’t let shame narratives dictate your access to pleasure.
Gender and Orientation Inclusivity
This is a gender-neutral position. Vaginal, anal, oral, or manual stimulation can all happen here. It works beautifully for:
- Strap-on or pegging play
- Mutual masturbation
- Oral sessions that celebrate all genitals
Bottom line: whoever you are and however you love, this position has space for your experience.
Safety Considerations and Aftercare
Physical Safety Tips
After extended sessions in the spread eagle position, you might feel some hip tightness or knee soreness. So:
- Take breaks and stretch gently
- Hydrate, especially after sweatier sessions
- Apply a warm compress to hips or back if needed
If anything feels tingly or numb, stop immediately. Your pleasure should never come at the cost of your comfort.
Importance of Reconnection and Feedback
Aftercare is essential – not just after rough play. Even slow, intimate sex can leave you emotionally wide open. Wrap each other in a blanket, talk about what felt amazing, what you loved, and what you’d try differently next time.
I often say the connection *after* sex is what makes the next time even better. Don’t skip it.
Final Thoughts on Embracing the Spread Eagle Position
So here’s what I want you to remember: the spread eagle position is not about being perfect, or open “enough” or performing like someone else. It’s about *you* choosing openness from a place of power.
Whether it’s your first time trying it or your hundredth, this position offers the chance to be fully seen and deeply loved – and yes, to have some seriously good orgasms too.
Your body is worthy of pleasure. Your desires are valid. And the more you let yourself explore in positions like this, the more connection, joy, and confidence you’ll unlock.
Go on. Spread those wings. Embrace your eagle. You’ve got this.
