What Is Reverse Missionary?
Position Overview and Basic Mechanics
If you’ve ever wished for the intimacy of missionary but with a spicy, empowered twist, you’re going to want to try reverse missionary. This position flipped my expectations – literally and emotionally.
Reverse missionary is when the person usually on top in missionary (traditionally a male partner) lies on their back, and the receiving partner (typically a vulva-owner) straddles and leans forward, almost chest-to-chest. Think “dominant cowgirl meets intimate embrace.” It puts the penetrating partner underneath, while you, the receiver, have complete access to rhythm and angle.
And yes, when I tried it for the first time? Game-changer. It combined the safety of a familiar position with the freshness of control and closeness. If you’ve ever struggled with positions lacking in comfort or confidence, this is a gem waiting to be discovered.
Differences from Traditional Missionary
The key difference is power and perspective. In traditional missionary, the penetrating partner directs the motion and pressure. With reverse missionary, you’re the one steering the ship. You decide tempo, depth, and body placement.
Also, that eye contact people rave about in missionary? It’s still here. But now it’s mixed with the option for breast, neck, or belly kissing, depending on how far you lean forward. It’s sultry, connected, and so deeply empowering.
Benefits of Reverse Missionary
Enhanced Clitoral Stimulation and Eye Contact
This deserves a standing ovation. Reverse missionary naturally keeps your pelvis tilted forward, which improves clitoral contact. Whether that’s from seamless grinding against your partner’s pelvis, or easier access for fingers or a vibe – the orgasms hit different. Deeper. Closer. Louder.
And the eye contact? It’s breathtaking. Especially if you’re someone who wants intimacy with their intensity. You’re literally on top and looking down into their eyes. It’s primal and tender all at once.
Increased Control and Confidence for the Receiving Partner
As a plus-size woman, I spent way too long thinking positions that required being on top weren’t “for me.” False. Reverse missionary is about leaning in – not bouncing up and down like a gym class nightmare.
You don’t need killer quads. You just need pillows (we’ll talk about that later), lubrication, and the confidence to guide your body. This isn’t about putting on a show – it’s about claiming your pleasure in your way, on your terms.
Emotional Intimacy and Connection
If you’re craving sex that feels intimate without being stiff or overly orchestrated, this is it. There’s body-to-body contact, kissing, breathing in sync. You can talk. Laugh. Breathe each other in.
Because you’re not hidden or flipped away, everything – your emotions, your vulnerabilities, your joy – gets to be part of it. It invites connection, not performance. And that’s what truly great sex is about.
Tips for Comfort and Pleasure
Best Positions for Different Body Types
Let’s bust a myth: reverse missionary is absolutely possible for larger bodies, different ability levels, and varying flexibilities.
- If you’re plus-size or have a belly, keep your partner’s legs slightly open and use your knees beside their hips to open up space.
- If you have joint pain or limited mobility, bring the action lower – lean on their chest or use padded furniture to redistribute weight.
- Bodyweight stools or wedge-shaped sex pillows (like the Liberator ramp) can provide amazing support and elevate your comfort significantly.
Pillow Placement and Angle Adjustments
Pillows are your best-kept secret. Place a sturdy pillow underneath your partner’s hips for better upward angle, which allows for deeper penetration and easier clitoral access through pressure or grinding.
If you’re leaning forward and want more support for your arms or chest, stack a pillow beneath your elbows or forearms. No shame in building a literal throne of pleasure.
Lubrication and Communication
Listen, every great position starts with lubrication. Silicone-based lube is my go-to for slower, deeper thrusting positions like this – it doesn’t dry out and feels like butter. If you’re using toys too (and please do!), make sure they’re compatible with your lube choice.
And honestly? Talk. This position is built for real-time feedback: eye contact, breath changes, whispers. Ask what feels good. Say what hits your pleasure centers. Don’t assume – communicate. It’s sexy, trust me.
Common Variations to Explore
Slow and Sensual vs. Energetic Styles
Reverse missionary adapts beautifully depending on your energy levels and mood.
- Slow & Sensual: Keep your body pressed to theirs, grind in figure-eights, whisper compliments. This is date-night magic.
- Energetic & Playful: Lift up slightly, keep your hands on their chest or by their shoulders, and use your thighs to bounce or rock. It becomes cardio-meets-pleasure (still, no squats required).
Incorporating Toys or Manual Stimulation
Here’s where things get delicious. Because your hands are free, and your body is already angled forward, it’s the perfect chance to add in:
- A small bullet vibrator to your clit while you ride – game over.
- A partner’s hands cupping your breasts or guiding your hips – ultra intimate.
- A vibrating penis ring on the giver – adding dual stimulation that can increase both your climaxes.
This position is already giving you front-row access. Amplify it however feels good for your body and desires.
Overcoming Body Image or Confidence Concerns
Normalizing Body Diversity During Intimacy
I know what you’re probably thinking: “But won’t they see every roll? My belly? My cellulite?” Yes. And they’re lucky to.
Your body isn’t an obstacle to pleasure – it’s the vehicle. Reverse missionary actually made me love how my curves folded against my partner’s. There was something incredibly raw and real about being visible, soft, and still fully in control.
Normalize sex with the lights on. With movement. With vulnerability. That’s where the fun starts.
Practicing Positive Communication with Your Partner
Share your insecurities, but don’t let them run the show. Tell your partner what feels amazing. Ask for compliments. Give them too.
My partner once told me during reverse missionary, “You look goddamn divine like this.” That stuck with me. Build a sexual culture where affirmations flow both ways. It rewires shame into connection.
Safety and Considerations
Physical Strain and Position Modifications
Reverse missionary doesn’t require endurance Olympics. If knee or wrist strain is an issue, use supportive bedding, sturdy furniture, or adjust how far you lean forward.
You can even start lying almost flat against their chest and slowly raise up as comfort allows. Your body isn’t broken if it needs adjustments – it’s wise. Listen to it and adapt.
Consent and Mutual Comfort
Consent is the foundation for all feel-good intimacy. This includes mid-position check-ins like:
- “Does this pressure still feel good?”
- “Can I try riding a bit faster/slower?”
- “Wanna switch it up?”
Just because something starts pleasurable doesn’t mean it has to continue if comfort fades. Reinforce the idea that both partners’ needs are valid and evolving.
Conclusion and Encouragement to Explore
So here’s the takeaway: reverse missionary isn’t just a position – it’s an experience. A shift. A reclamation. Especially if you’ve ever felt limited, awkward, or unsure in traditional positions.
You deserve pleasure that empowers you, positions that honor your body, and intimacy that makes you feel seen. Reverse missionary delivers all three – and then some.
Try it. Adapt it. Laugh through it. Own it. And remember: your body is not just worthy of good sex. It’s built for it.
