I’ll be honest with you – the spoon sex position changed the game for me.
Before I discovered it, I thought all intimate moments had to look like those acrobatic scenes in movies: dramatic, intense, always active. But here’s the truth I wish someone had told me sooner – sex doesn’t need to be high-impact to be deeply pleasurable and emotionally raw. The spoon position is one of the most body-positive, deeply connecting, and low-pressure positions out there, and it absolutely deserves a place in your bedroom toolkit.
Whether you’re dealing with body insecurities, joint pain, a disability, pregnancy, or just want more closeness without the pressure of performance – spooning can be the loving, sexy comfort you didn’t know you needed. Trust me, after using this position to rediscover pleasure on my heaviest days, my slowest days, and even my weepy-I-just-need-snuggles days… I’ve become its biggest fan.
Let’s dive into why the spoon sex position might be exactly what *you* need too.
What Is the Spoon Sex Position?
Basic Description and Mechanics
The spoon sex position involves both partners lying on their sides, facing the same direction – like two spoons stacked in a drawer (hence the name). The receiving partner is in front with the penetrating partner behind them.
This position allows for rear vaginal or anal penetration, while keeping both partners’ bodies in full, relaxed contact. It’s all about ease, closeness, and minimal pressure on joints or muscles.
Why It’s Popular for Comfort and Intimacy
Here’s the magic: you don’t have to hold yourself up, angle your hips in awkward ways, or fight gravity. Everything about spooning is soft – soft touch, soft entry, soft whispers. It’s an excellent way to connect emotionally and sexually without exhausting yourselves.
You may not see this position plastered across steamy magazine covers, but let me tell you – it’s real, raw, and *so damn sexy*. Especially when you take your time with it.
Benefits of the Spoon Position
Body-Positive and Confidence-Boosting
If you’ve ever felt uncomfortable being “on display” during intimacy (hi, welcome to the club), spooning offers a beautifully gentle alternative. It doesn’t demand visibility or performance. You’re half-covered, totally embraced, and freed from any self-conscious tension that might crop up in more exposed positions.
I’ve had clients tell me this position helped them feel sexy again after weight gain, surgeries, or trauma. And I couldn’t agree more.
Ideal for Relaxation and Slower Intimacy
Quickies have their place, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes? You want to linger. To breathe. To melt into each other slowly. That’s where spooning comes in.
This position naturally invites slower penetration, deeper sensation, and emotional intimacy. It’s perfect for Sunday mornings, rainstorms, and reconnecting after stress or conflict. Intimacy isn’t just penetration – it’s presence. And spooning is presence, pressed skin to skin.
Great for Pregnancy, Pain, or Fatigue
If you or your partner are pregnant, recovering, fatigued, chronically ill, or living with disability – this position can truly be life-giving.
There’s no weight on your body. There’s no need to support yourself with arms or knees. You can insert ergonomically, support with pillows, and rest at your own pace. I’ve used this with clients post-surgery, during flare-ups, in trimester three – it just works.
How to Perform the Spoon Sex Position
Step-by-Step Positioning
- Both partners lie on one side, facing the same direction.
- The receiving partner lies in front, knees slightly bent in a relaxed fetal position.
- The penetrating partner curls behind, lining up their pelvis with their partner’s buttocks.
- Insertion happens from behind – vaginal or anal, depending on preference.
- Once inside, both can adjust hip angles for deeper or shallower thrusting.
Simple. No balancing. No gymnastics. Just sweet alignment and movement.
Tips for Comfort and Support
- Place a pillow under the bottom partner’s top leg for hip comfort and angle adjustment.
- Use a body pillow or wedge behind the penetrating partner for back support.
- If there’s a significant height or size difference, stack a small pillow under the front partner’s hips or thighs to help align penetration more smoothly.
Sex furniture exists for a reason – ramps, wedges, and supportive cushions (like the Liberator Wedge) can increase access and comfort immensely.
Communication and Rhythm
Because movements are smaller and subtler in this position, communication and tuning in to each other’s breath, moans, and body shifts are key.
Talk about speed, pressure, depth. Let your partner know if you need to pause or adjust. Spooning invites slowness, so use it as a chance to deepen your emotional and verbal connection too.
Enhancing Pleasure in the Spoon Position
Clitoral Stimulation and Hand Placement
This is big – because penetration alone often doesn’t get most vulva-owners to orgasm.
In spooning, both you and your partner have easy access with hands to stimulate the clitoris, play with nipples, or caress other erogenous zones.
I’ll often reach between my legs or guide my partner’s hand there. It feels powerful to be able to claim that pleasure right where I need it most, even when cuddled in comfort.
Toy-Friendly Tips for Added Fun
Spoon position is surprisingly vibrator-friendly. Small clitoral vibes like the We-Vibe Touch or Dame Pom fit perfectly between your bodies. Insertable toys like the Lovense Lush can stay buzzing inside while you’re being penetrated. And if you’re into prostate stimulation or double penetration, toys like plugs or vibrating dildos integrate seamlessly here.
This is also one of the most discreet positions for playing with remote-controlled toys. Just saying.
Experimenting with Angles and Depth
Sometimes spooning can feel “light” or less deep, depending on the angle. If that’s the case, try these tweaks:
- Bend the top leg of the person in front and raise it slightly to open the hips.
- Use a wedge or folded towel to elevate their butt just slightly.
- Have the rear partner angle their hips and thrust from slightly higher or lower, depending on feedback.
I find even just a one-inch shift can mean the difference between “meh” and “YES.”
Common Variations of the Spoon Position
Tight Spoon vs. Loose Spoon
Tight Spoon means you’re pressed fully together, hips flush, for snug penetration and maximum body contact. Deeply cozy, ultra-loving.
Loose Spoon involves a slight gap between bodies – great for larger bellies, increased hand access, or shallow penetration. It’s handy if you want clitoral play without crowding.
Modified Spooning for More Control
The partner in front can, optionally, brace one arm in front and prop up slightly on their elbow for more movement control or to guide pace. Similarly, the rear partner can prop and thrust with more intention.
Remember, control doesn’t have to mean disconnect. It just means making choices to take care of your pleasure!
Reverse and Seated Spoon Options
You can spoon with roles reversed – the penetrating partner in front, with a toy or strap-on, and the other behind. This works beautifully for queer and non-penetrative dynamics too.
Also, consider semi-seated spooning against a wall or headboard with lots of pillows. Full-body massages and warm-up play feel extra luxurious like this.
Emotional and Intimacy Benefits
Connection Through Close Contact
When you’re in spoon position, you’re not just having sex – you’re embracing. You’re breathing together. You’re whispering. You’re releasing oxytocin like a slow-love drug.
It’s an intensely bonding position. There’s no pressure to perform. Just space to feel.
Safe Space for Vulnerability
This position can be especially healing for survivors of trauma, for people who’ve felt unsafe in other positions, or those learning to trust their bodies again.
It’s gentle. It’s close. It allows for eye contact (with a twist of the neck) if desired, but also lets you close your eyes and just receive. That feeling of being “held” isn’t a performance – it’s nourishment.
Safety and Communication Tips
Listening to Your Body
If something doesn’t feel good – pause. Adjust. Shift a leg or grab a pillow or say “Can we slow down?” This is your body. You get to lead the way.
Nothing is wrong with you if penetration feels odd, angles aren’t lining up, or you need ten minutes of lube and laughter before anything else happens. All of that is valid and completely normal.
Consent, Trust, and Aftercare
Consent is ongoing. Even in spooning. Even with your long-term partner.
Check in with each other. Make space for boundary shifts. Discuss afterward how it felt. Give cuddles, water, giggles, snacks. That’s not just aftercare – that’s foreplay for the next connection.
Spooning just naturally invites this softness and trust. Lean into it. Enjoy it. Let it teach you how good sex can feel.
Because here’s what I know, and what I want you to know too…
You deserve sex that doesn’t exhaust you.
You are worthy of intimacy that feels safe, sexy, and joyful in your body, exactly as it is.
And the spoon sex position might just be your next favorite way to feel that.
