Let’s talk about something that deserves way more love, way more clarity, and way less shame: the backdoor sex position. I’ve been coaching people on body-positive pleasure for years, and if I had a dollar for every time someone whispered, “but what about anal?” like it’s a dirty secret, I’d be writing this from a spa in Bali.
So here it is: anal pleasure is valid, beautiful, and absolutely worth exploring if you’re curious. And yes, backdoor sex positions can be not just enjoyable, but mind-blowingly satisfying when approached with knowledge, consent, and confidence. But I know – it’s not always an easy place to start. Maybe you’ve heard horror stories, worried it won’t work for your body, or just don’t know where to begin.
That’s exactly why I created this guide. I’m not here to judge or preach. I’m here as your sex + body confidence bestie, walking you through how to embrace backdoor play safely, comfortably, and pleasurably – no shame, no pressure, all possibility.
Understanding Backdoor Pleasure: Myths vs. Reality
Debunking Common Misconceptions
I’ve heard it all: “Anal is only for gay men,” “It’s always painful,” “Real women don’t do that,” and my personal least-favorite, “It’s unsanitary.” Y’all, none of these are truths – they’re tired myths designed to keep folks feeling ashamed of their own pleasure.
Backdoor pleasure has zero to do with sexuality labels and everything to do with nerve-rich anatomy and good communication. With the right approach, anal play can be just as intimate, pleasurable, and emotionally connective as any other kind of touch.
The Anatomy Behind Anal Pleasure
Your anus has thousands of nerve endings which, when stimulated gently and intentionally, can lead to incredibly deep sensations. For folks with prostates, backdoor play stimulates it directly – and let me tell you, prostate orgasms hit different. But for folks with vulvas? The vaginal wall and internal clitoral arms can also be stimulated from behind, enhancing overall pleasure.
It’s your body. You get to choose how you want to explore it.
Preparation Is Key: How to Get Started Safely
Communication and Consent
Let me make this crystal clear: backdoor play starts with trust and communication. This kind of intimacy is vulnerable, so talk openly with your partner (or yourself) about intent, boundaries, and desires. Use words like: “I’m curious, but nervous,” or “Can we take it super slow?” This is not the time for pressure or surprise.
Hygiene and Safety Tips
I get asked about cleanliness a lot – and yes, it’s 100% normal to have concerns. Here’s what I do:
- Wash with warm water before play. Don’t obsess – gentle rinsing is enough.
- Consider a small, beginner-friendly anal douche if you want extra comfort, but it’s not mandatory.
- Trim fingernails, use gloves if desired, and keep everything clean.
And always, always use protection! Condoms are your best friend for reducing risks of STIs and keeping things mess-free, especially if you’re switching back and forth between types of play.
Lube, Toys, and Tools
If I had one golden rule? It’s lube. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so an ultra-thick water-based or silicone-based lube is essential. Slippery is happy here!
When you’re ready, I recommend starting with a small anal plug or beginner toy (look for a firm base – trust me). Some of my go-to beginner tools:
- Stryker’s Slim Plug – flexible, non-intimidating, and body-safe.
- Beaded anal toys for slow, rhythmic sensation.
- Finger extensions with texture for more control and reach.
Best Backdoor Sex Positions for Comfort and Enjoyment
Beginner-Friendly Positions
If you’re just getting started, here are a few backdoor sex positions that support comfort and control:
- Spooning: Lying on your side encourages relaxation and allows a partner to control depth and rhythm with eye-level communication.
- Over-the-pillows: Laying on your stomach with hips elevated by a couple pillows allows access without pressure. Great for solo toy play too!
- On all fours (Doggy, gently): Accessible and adjustable, but go slow. Ask for stillness as you explore insertion before thrusting begins.
Advanced and Pleasure-Enhancing Options
Ready to level up? These positions offer deeper connection and pleasure if you’re more experienced:
- Missionary Anal: Yes, it’s possible. Lie on your back and bring your knees up. Great for eye contact, and easier for partners to stimulate other areas while going backdoor.
- Reverse Cowgirl with Anchor: You on top have complete control over speed and penetration. Holding onto a sturdy surface or partner’s thighs helps balance and grind at your pace.
- Yogi Squat: Deep squatting or “frog” variations are amazing for internal pressure and prostate/G-spot contact – if you’re flexible or using support gear.
Positions for Different Body Types and Needs
As a plus-size woman, I know positioning can make or break a session. Here’s what has worked best for me and clients of all sizes and mobility levels:
- Chair-Edge (Seated Partner): You straddle your partner from a chair or couch, facing away. Stability? Check. Control? Check.
- Modified Doggy (On Cushions): Use wedge pillows or liberator gear to reduce pressure on knees or wrists.
- Tabletop Bend: Lean forward on sturdy furniture and open your stance. Gives back support while allowing full access.
Building Confidence and Enhancing Intimacy
Overcoming Nerves and Stigma
I used to think I wasn’t allowed to enjoy backdoor play – like it wasn’t “ladylike,” or didn’t fit my body. That was someone else’s shame dressed up as morality. You are allowed to feel good. Owning your curiosity makes you powerful, not wrong.
Creating a Safe and Empowering Environment
Set the mood in a way that feels sexy and secure. Light candles, pick a playlist that helps you relax, and communicate like a boss. Keep lube within reach, take breaks, and check in with affirming phrases like “How are you feeling?” or “Want more or less right now?”
You deserve the kind of intimacy that supports your pleasure – not just your body, but your heart too.
Pleasure Techniques for Maximum Satisfaction
Stimulating the Prostate or G-Spot
The prostate (for those who have one) is about two inches in, toward the belly button. It feels like a walnut, and when you hit it with steady, rhythmic stimulation? Wow.
Try gently rocking a curved toy or finger repeatedly against that spot while maintaining pressure. For people with vulvas, internal anal angles can still press against the back side of the vaginal canal, which can amplify G-spot pleasure when paired with vaginal or clitoral play.
Combining Anal with Other Types of Stimulation
Backdoor pleasure doesn’t have to be solo. In fact, some of my most intense orgasms have come from blending stimulation – anal plug in while using a wand externally, or rear penetration plus nipple kissing. Layer it up!
Try:
- Penetration + clitoral suction.
- Plug during oral.
- Double penetration with fingers or toys if you’re ready for intensity.
Aftercare and Connection
Physical Recovery Tips
After any kind of intense play, especially anal, your body deserves love. Cleanse gently with warm water, relax with a heating pad, and give yourself space to adjust. If there’s minor soreness, a little arnica cream or coconut oil massage can soothe the area.
Emotional Aftercare and Reconnection
Don’t just roll over and move on. Snuggle. Talk. Laugh. Say thanks. Anal play taps into physical and emotional vulnerability, and holding space afterward deepens your bond. Ask, “What did you like best?” or “What should we try different next time?” That keeps it open, sexy, and shame-free.
When to Seek Advice or Medical Help
Signs Something Isn’t Right
Some discomfort can be normal the first few times, but you should NOT feel:
- Sharp, lasting pain
- Heavy bleeding
- Fever or chills
- Unexpected discharge after
These are signals to pause and check in with a doctor ASAP.
Professional Guidance and Resources
If you’re unsure about anatomy, trauma recovery, or STI concerns, a sex-positive pelvic floor therapist or inclusive sex educator can help tailor your experience in safe, affirming ways. Pro tip: Search directories like ASECT.org or check local LGBTQ+ health centers that understand full-body wellness without judgment.
Bottom line? You don’t have to figure this all out alone.
Conclusion
When it comes to the backdoor sex position, I’ve learned one thing again and again: pleasure lives where confidence, curiosity, and consent intersect. Every body – yes, yours – deserves the option of exploring without shame. Whether you’re dipping a toe or diving in, know that you’re not “weird,” you’re brave.
Your body is worthy of every kind of joy. So go slow, stay safe, and savor every step. You’re doing it right.
